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Why #3

 Being assigned female at birth was rough; not that I remember that specific moment, but I know the expectations for me to be girly started immediately. That was just not going to work for me. It was obvious to those who were close to me, but never a huge issue. Instead of being pushed to be feminine I was given another label: Tomboy. And that's always been fine with me. I'm now, still, a fully grown tomboy, but I go by another label now: Non-binary. 



However, being assigned female at birth did cause bigger issues in my life. Even though I wasn't discovering my own femininity, guys were perceiving me as female prey. My worst experience happened when I was 14 years old. It was my first time being alone with my friends with no adult supervision: An overnight sleepover with girls, but guys showed up to hang out. We were on a friend's property camping in a tent. We had so much fun, and I remember really feeling that for the first time in my life I could really do whatever I wanted with my friends and no one would bother us. 



With that freedom came responsibility that I was not yet equipped to understand. This became apparent when the night was winding down and the guys were not leaving. Once I laid down in the tent, I realized one of the guys was coming in the tent and getting very close to me. He was not even a guy I had ever shown interest in or knew well at all. As soon as he came close to me I tried to move away, but my body felt like it was full of lead, my brain was a dark and foggy place, and I had very little idea of what was going on. As he did things, I felt like I was putting all my effort forth to repeatedly say the word “no”, but I didn't hear my own voice come out.



The next morning, my friends and I were heading home and I tried to tell them that something incredibly sketchy had happened with that guy. They did not believe me and all joined in a hearty round of laughter. They told me it was fine to do something you regret. I just stopped talking and looked out the car window. I wasn't sure what hurt more: What had happened or my friends not believing me.  



I eventually told the story to another friend who wasn’t there that night. What she said to me hurt just as much as the rest of it. We'd had another friend come to her and tell her the same thing happened to her with the same guy. I realized if she had reported it, it may have never happened to me, and because I didn’t report it, it probably happened to someone else.



I helped form Equity Buckfield because events like this fly under the radar in this town. I grew up here. This happened in Buckfield. I never told an adult. I don’t know why. I guess I didn’t think anything would come of it. And I’ve just never been great at speaking up. But I’m tired of people getting away with abusing other humans like they don't matter. 



It happens in many forms for many reasons I don’t understand. Whether it be race, sexual orientation, gender, disabilities, etc. We have a lot of big problems in our country, and they’ve only gotten worse since our 45th president came along and brought out the worst in some people. Now I feel like I have no choice other than to do something. I’ve also come to terms with the fact that I’m a part of the queer community. I’ve already faced conflicts and lost loved ones since coming out and speaking up on trans and gay issues. I actively want to learn more myself and simultaneously educate others. 



Something I have learned is that discrimination really is everywhere and that it isn't going to be destroyed all at once by some big event like I originally thought. It’s a ripple effect and a ripple starts with one small stone. 



I can create a ripple.



Equity Buckfield can be my small stone.

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